New Year, New Fate

Happy New Year Ayaaaaa!!
*mengucapkannya kepada diri sendiri

well, tahun baru sebenarnya bukan -dan tidak harus menjadi- suatu tradisi khusus yang harus dirayakan dengan berlebihan. kan tiap tahun juga pasti ada, jadi.. yang terpenting adalah bagaimana menghadapi tantangan dan menjemput kesempatan di masa-masa mendatang.

dan, selain itu juga, -sayangnya- tahun baru kali ini agak kurang menyenangkan. rasanya baru kali ini 1 Januari yang paling gak ditunggu-tunggu, dan karna emang gak kepikiran juga buat nunggu. (baca: otak udah mabok gara-gara tugas).
apalagi kenyataan kalo pas tanggal 2 Januarinya udah UAS ya sodara! bener-bener, gak ada waktu buat bernafas sedikitpun. tugas masih banyak, deadline mepet, UAS masih mengambang. ini derita ku,apa derita mu?

hhhh apapun yang terjadi di penghujung 2011 ini, kita tetap harus mensyukuri semua yang ada dan yang udah Allah kasih ke kita kan? harus selalu bersyukur masih bisa dipertemukan dengan tahun baru. #eaa

semoga semua pencapaian, pengalaman, kesalahan, semuanya bisa jadi pelajaran yang SANGAT BERHARGA buat menjalani kehidupan selanjutnya. jalan masih panjang, Ay. terlalu berkutat dengan penyesalan akan kesalahan masa lalu gak akan bikin kamu maju dan menatap hari esok dengan baik. ayo lah bangkit! you deserve a better life.

setiap orang pasti pernah melakukan kesalahan. pasti pernah ada saat-saat di mana segala sesuatunya gak berjalan sesuai rencana. pasti ada peluang bahwa segala hal yang udah direncanakan dengan sangat matang, tiba-tiba hancur berantakan, dalam waktu sekejab. Kun fa yakun

sekarang, menatap 2012 ini.. sebenernya dari kemaren udah pengen mulai nyusun proposal hidup tahun 2012, tapi apa daya belum sempet karena waktu tersita buat ngurusin tugas. mungkin nanti abis UAS baru bisa nyusun lagi hehe (telat gitu masa)

apapun yang akan terjadi nanti, pokoknya harus kuat. selama ini kamu udah cukup mengalami dan merasakan masa-masa pahit dan penuh perjuangan. mungkin dulu kamu masih bisa dengan bebasnya berbagi cerita, berkeluh kesah, dan sekedar bersandar ke orang lain. tapi sekarang, kamu dituntut untuk jadi lebih dewasa, dan harus bisa menjalani semua ini dengan baik, walaupun harus berjalan sendiri. ayo kamu pasti bisa!

gak mau terlalu banyak berharap lagi akan segala sesuatu. gak mau terlalu merencanakan segala sesuatu terlalu jauh, karena pada akhirnya emang semua itu diluar kuasa kita kan. tapi sebagai manusia yang diharapkan bisa melakukan perencanaan hidup, kadang batasan antara rencana, harapan, dan hal-hal yang diluar kuasa itu jadi gak jelas. blur. tapi, itulah lika-liku hidup.

selamat jalan 2011, terima kasih atas segala kenangan manis dan pahit (kayaknya lebih banyakan pahitnya ya hehe) yang udah kamu kasih ke aku. doakan aku biar bisa jadi lebih kuat ya :)

2012... welcome. semoga kita bisa bersahabat ya :)

dan akhirnya, siap menyambut 2012 dengan segala rencana, target, harapan, dan impian. semoga segala sesuatunya bisa berjalan lancar, dan lebih mudah dari tahun-tahun sebelumnya. amiin.

2012 yang mungkin akan penuh perjuangan, baik secara fisik maupun mental
2012, tahun di mana aku harus skripsi dan sidang dan akhirnya wisuda (amiin)
2012, tahun di mana aku bakal berusia 22 tahun, yang artinya aku harus bisa lebih dewasa lagi dan lagi
2012, di mana hidup ini akan dimulai lagi dari awal, dari nol, dari sekarang

New Year, New Fate

d*mn! it's true!

I never understood the reasoning for someone to "move on" from a relationship. It's not you are really going to "move on". You are just trying to tell your heart to stop thinking about that person every second, every minute, or every day until it finally becomes routine and you don't notice it anymore.

because as Love makes the time pass, time also makes Love pass.

AND.

you shouldn't miss people who don't miss you, right?

this song is really something

lagi ngerjain tugas SKB bareng si Alia. dan entah kenapa, playlist dia isinya lagu-lagu galau semua. well, maybe buat dia itu lagu biasa aja sih,, cuman buat aku yang rada lebay ini, jatohnya jadi galau sendiri. tapi, berhubung kita lagi ngerjain tugas akhir and we're supposed to be serious, so galaunya diem-diem aja ;))

sebenernya lagu ini lagu yang bagus, dari salah satu band Indonesia yang paling aku suka juga. dan karena sama seperti sebuah foto, sebuah lagu juga bisa menyimpan sejuta arti dan kenangan, yang kalau ditampilin lagi tuh nantinya bisa membuka kenangan atau memori yang mungkin udah lama banget coba dilupakan.

hhh bukan salah lagunya juga sih, cumaa ngapain juga kita cenderung selalu mengaitkan sesuatu kepada suatu kejadian? iya kan?

dan.. lagu itu.. judulnya... Dan.

Dan

 bila esok

datang kembali

seperti sedia kala

di mana kau bercanda

Dan

perlahan kaupun

lupakan aku,mimpi burukmu

di mana tlha kutancapkan duri tajam

kaupun menangis, menangis sedih

maafkan aku

Dan

bukan maksudku, bukan inginku

melukaimu

sadarkah kau di sinipun ku terluka

melupakanmu, menepikanmu

maafkan aku

lupakanlah saja diriku

bila itu bisa membuatmu

kembali bersinar dan berpijar seperti dulu kala

caci maki saja diriku

bila itu bisa membuatmu

kembali bersinar dan berpijar seperti dulu kala

berasa gimanaaa gitu.

caci maki saja diriku

TCB

TCB TCB TCB
gotta prepare for TCB TCB TCB

*ups. tapi sebelum itu masih harus mikirin UAS, kuliah semester 6, Proposal, Skripsi, Sidang, lalalalalaaa

tapi tetep, harus prepare TCB TCB TCB dari sekarang!

messed up

well, my life is totally messed up right now. I really don't know what to do, what I feel. I just wanna disappear from this crowded world. yeah, I've ever talked about it. at that time I just.. thought that by just disappearing, I can leave these problems, and this complicated life as well. but then, I realize that it was wrong. that was the worst thing ever crossed in my mind. I am 21 now, I'm mature enough to face this kind of condition, that I should be strong to cope with this. perhaps, yeah, I just need more time to adapt, to redefine, and to rearrange my messed-life.

one lesson learned from my life now is, that I should be more independent from now on. I know maybe I used to be so dependent to other people, that I gave everything I have to them (and of course wanted them to do the same to me), but the fact just doesn't work that way. Maybe it's time for me to walk this world alone, at least until I can find something new that can enlight my life. but you know, it's sometimes so hard to start something new when everything we have had before disappear. but yet, we gotta move on. walk on. and the fact that "nothing last forever" in this world, I should have known and realized it before. poor me.

Now I don't give a damn to what other people think about me. this is me, with so many pluses and minuses that I have. I don't wanna pretend to be someone perfect, I never try to just mimicking other people to be perfect woman. I'm just me, and I can't be changed to be like another people, though it's not easy to be me.
well, actually this words are just dedicated to my own self, to this fragile heart, that always easily get down when everything doesn't run as what I expected before. yeah, I still have to learn more and more about this life, so I could stay alive and survive.

now that I have so messed life, I just need more time to rearrange my life. I need some fresh air and new environment.  I need to know more new things, new people, new part of this world, so I won't just stuck in this plain area.

for so many time we had together, I wanna say thank you for everything you've given to me. and sorry for all mistakes that I've done. so many things I learned from you, although in the end I just  disappointed you. I am so sorry. but if all of my mistakes were hurting you so much that you'll never forgive me, okay I understand. yeah, there will be some punishment applied to the one who make a mistake. a huge mistake. Karma does exists.

breathe

this song is just...

I see your face in my mind as I drive away
'cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way
people are people and sometimes we change our minds
but it's killing me to see you go after all this time

music starts playing like the end of a sad movie
it's not the kinda ending that you really wanna see
'cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down
now I don't know what to be without you around

and we know it's never simple, never easy
never a clean break, no one here to save me
you're the only thing I know like the back of my hand

and I can't breathe without you
but I have to
breathe without you
but I have to

never wanted this, never want to see you hurt
every little bump in the road I tried to swerve
people are people and sometimes it doesn't work out
nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out

and we know it's never simple, never easy
never a clean break no one here to save me
you're the only thing I know like the back of my hand

and I can't breathe without you
but I have to
breathe without you
but I have to

it's two a.m, feeling like I just lost a friend
hope you know it's not easy, easy for me
it's two a.m, feeling like I just lost a friend
hope you know it's not easy, easy for me

and we know it's never simple, never easy
never a clean break no one here to save me

and I can't breathe without you
but I have to
breathe without you
but I have to
breathe without you
but I have to

I'm sorry I'm sorry
I'm sorry I'm sorry

(Breathe - Taylor Swift)

just hoping that it's only dream. bad dream. please wake me up.....