Saturday, May 31, 2014

Secondhand Serenade Live in Concert

Hore akhirnya aku sempet nonton konser Secondhand Serenade jugaaaaaa, yay! Simply happy! 

Sebenernya dia udah sering banget sih dateng ke Indonesia, cuma aku baru sempet liat sekarang. Mumpung deket juga dari kostan, hehe. Jadi pas pertama tau kalo dia mau konser langsung deh niat buat nonton. Sempet ragu juga takut disuruh lembur hari Sabtu kemaren (uuuu) tapi ternyata disuruh lemburnya baru hari Minggu (wuuuu). Tapi yaudahlah yang penting bisa nonton kan. 

Terus deh nyari-nyari temen buat nonton bareng hahahaha. Tadinya kita udah ada bertiga nih yang pengen nonton. Tapi pada akhirnya mereka gak bisa. Yang satu diajakin keluarganya ke Bali, yang satu mendadak harus check up ke dokter. Alhasil aku nonton sendiri aja. Biarin sendirian juga, yang penting happy. Kalo ga ada temen trus masa aku ga jadi? Yang ada nanti menyesal soalnya itu konsernya deket bangeeeeet.

Intinya sih based on prinsip "happiness is a choice. You gotta create your own happiness". Ya walaupun itu artinya harus ke mana-mana dan ngapa-ngapain sendiri. It's okaaaay

Waktu mau nukerin tiket, buset di antrisan itu anak-anak sekolah semua. Masih kecil-kecil gitu yang nonton aaaaa. Apa itu artinya aku yang masih childish kayak mereka, ya? Ahahahaha. Biarin. Yang penting aku bisa nonton penyanyi kesukaan aku sejak dari masa-masa kuliah dulu. Sekalian nostalgia lah, taking chances mumpung lagi deket sini. 

Harusnya gate open jam 5 sore. Tapi termyata sore itu ujan gede. Untung bawa payung. Kasian sih yang lain sampe rela ujan-ujanan basah banget kayak gitu. Loyal fans, ya. Trus gara-gara ujan jadi ngaret lah itu semua acaranya. Yang tadinya di jadwal jam 7 mulai, ini baru mulai sekitar jam 8an. Itupun baru buat band pembukanya, Rama Band. Nah kan semua pengisi acaranya lagunya typical galau galau gitu haha. 

Secondhand nya sendiri, aka si John yang kece itu baru on stage sekitar jam 9an malem. Gila cewek-cewek langsung pada berisik banget teriak-teriak. Dan berhubung aku dapet tempat di yang paling depan dan tepar di tengah, di mana itu adalah pusat keramaian, jadi aja ini kuping rasanya kayak mau pecah. Remaja tuh kalo nonton konser bisa sampe segitunya ya haha. 

Konsep konsernya kali ini akustik, John main musik sendiri pake gitar sama piano. Semakin nyesss kan, dengan lagu-lagu galau yang di-akustik-in, gerimis gerimis pula. Hampir semua lagu yang ngehits dimainin, dan ada beberapa lagu baru, yang baru mau rilis juga dinyanyiin di sini. Oh iya di situ John juga ada kolaborasi sama penyanyi cewek, Veronica Bal. Tipe-tipenya kayak Taylor Swift, yang nyanyi lagu ciptaan sendiri pake gitar. She's quite good lah. 

Yang lucu adalah, aku malah akhirnya jadi ngerasa lega gitu pas ikut teriak-teriak nyanyi bareng haha. Berhubung aku dateng sendiri, gak ada yang aku kenal dan kenal aku, jadinya bebas banget kaaaan. Cuek aja mau ngapa-ngapain. Sambil ngeliatin tingkah para remaja putri yang pada heboh sendiri hehe. 

Akhirnya sekitar jam 10 lebih selesai deh konsernya. Puass. Seneng. Walaupun pegel juga lebih dari 5 jam berdiri terus. Finally, misi buat nonton secondhand completed! Foto dan rekaman udah siap buat diliat lain waktu, hehe

Big thanks to myself, for having the guts to do anything that makes me happy :)



Secondhand Serenade Live in Concert

Hore akhirnya aku sempet nonton konser Secondhand Serenade jugaaaaaa, yay! Simply happy! 

Sebenernya dia udah sering banget sih dateng ke Indonesia, cuma aku baru sempet liat sekarang. Mumpung deket juga dari kostan, hehe. Jadi pas pertama tau kalo dia mau konser langsung deh niat buat nonton. Sempet ragu juga takut disuruh lembur hari Sabtu kemaren (uuuu) tapi ternyata disuruh lemburnya baru hari Minggu (wuuuu). Tapi yaudahlah yang penting bisa nonton kan. 

Terus deh nyari-nyari temen buat nonton bareng hahahaha. Tadinya kita udah ada bertiga nih yang pengen nonton. Tapi pada akhirnya mereka gak bisa. Yang satu diajakin keluarganya ke Bali, yang satu mendadak harus check up ke dokter. Alhasil aku nonton sendiri aja. Biarin sendirian juga, yang penting happy. Kalo ga ada temen trus masa aku ga jadi? Yang ada nanti menyesal soalnya itu konsernya deket bangeeeeet.

Intinya sih based on prinsip "happiness is a choice. You gotta create your own happiness". Ya walaupun itu artinya harus ke mana-mana dan ngapa-ngapain sendiri. It's okaaaay

Waktu mau nukerin tiket, buset di antrisan itu anak-anak sekolah semua. Masih kecil-kecil gitu yang nonton aaaaa. Apa itu artinya aku yang masih childish kayak mereka, ya? Ahahahaha. Biarin. Yang penting aku bisa nonton penyanyi kesukaan aku sejak dari masa-masa kuliah dulu. Sekalian nostalgia lah, taking chances mumpung lagi deket sini. 

Harusnya gate open jam 5 sore. Tapi termyata sore itu ujan gede. Untung bawa payung. Kasian sih yang lain sampe rela ujan-ujanan basah banget kayak gitu. Loyal fans, ya. Trus gara-gara ujan jadi ngaret lah itu semua acaranya. Yang tadinya di jadwal jam 7 mulai, ini baru mulai sekitar jam 8an. Itupun baru buat band pembukanya, Rama Band. Nah kan semua pengisi acaranya lagunya typical galau galau gitu haha. 

Secondhand nya sendiri, aka si John yang kece itu baru on stage sekitar jam 9an malem. Gila cewek-cewek langsung pada berisik banget teriak-teriak. Dan berhubung aku dapet tempat di yang paling depan dan tepar di tengah, di mana itu adalah pusat keramaian, jadi aja ini kuping rasanya kayak mau pecah. Remaja tuh kalo nonton konser bisa sampe segitunya ya haha. 

Konsep konsernya kali ini akustik, John main musik sendiri pake gitar sama piano. Semakin nyesss kan, dengan lagu-lagu galau yang di-akustik-in, gerimis gerimis pula. Hampir semua lagu yang ngehits dimainin, dan ada beberapa lagu baru, yang baru mau rilis juga dinyanyiin di sini. Oh iya di situ John juga ada kolaborasi sama penyanyi cewek, Veronica Bal. Tipe-tipenya kayak Taylor Swift, yang nyanyi lagu ciptaan sendiri pake gitar. She's quite good lah. 

Yang lucu adalah, aku malah akhirnya jadi ngerasa lega gitu pas ikut teriak-teriak nyanyi bareng haha. Berhubung aku dateng sendiri, gak ada yang aku kenal dan kenal aku, jadinya bebas banget kaaaan. Cuek aja mau ngapa-ngapain. Sambil ngeliatin tingkah para remaja putri yang pada heboh sendiri hehe. 

Akhirnya sekitar jam 10 lebih selesai deh konsernya. Puass. Seneng. Walaupun pegel juga lebih dari 5 jam berdiri terus. Finally, misi buat nonton secondhand completed! Foto dan rekaman udah siap buat diliat lain waktu, hehe

Big thanks to myself, for having the guts to do anything that makes me happy :)



Friday, May 30, 2014

Good news!

Hello there, 
I have a good news for you. Yeay, finally! 

Sooo yesterday my big boss held a coordination meeting with all SFDPans, talked about our visions for the next career path. He asked us how our feelings are with current jobs, and whether we want to move and learn to other parts whithin Finance. When he asked, none of us dare to speak. Then, perhaps because i'm the type of person who always want to speak my mind up (and too straight forward, sometimes haha), i decided to raise my hand. I told them that i already tired with the work rhytm in my current job. I said, before it's too late and my health (and my life) is getting worsen, i want to move to Management Account department and learn something new there. 

Well, my big bosses seemed understand my feeling. They were not shocked at all. Their faces when i told them so were just.. Kind of "okay, we already know". So finally my big boss said that okay, we will consider your choice. And then my other friends began to speak. 

Actually, why was i choose to move to management account? Well, because firstly i know that these place is more 'calm' than my current place. Still in the same Group, but different Division. I hope i will have more normal and healthy life there. Besides, management account division is a place where we 'cultivate' the business result. This is the place that know how the business is going, the place that first know the bank's profitability, and to make some critical adjustment when needed. So this place is kind of the 'kitchen' of the bank, where all recipes of bank's success are all kept. 
So i think (and i hope) i can learn much more there. 

Honestly i am so sad to leave my current job, because it has so high exposure to management, directly. It also has so many important things to learn, but i feel i can't stand any longer there. Like you see, i have these value changes that makes me think twice or even more, to decide if i still want to stay on that place. 

Well, i hope this is the best decision. For my career, for my life. Hopefully this is the answer of all my prayers before, for me to have a more 'normal' working hours so i still have much time for myself, my family, and my partner (maybe oneday). And i still have more time to learn anything else. I can continue my online courses, i can continue learn TOEFL and GMAT again, and search for some scholarships and campus informations. I really hope my life will get better, soon. 
Thanks for all, dear Allah.. 

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Alone-thingy

All by myself....
Don't wanna be all by myself.... 

Why i have to be 'all by myself?'
Or why not? 

Read it somewhere, that if you can't be happy with your own self, then you'll never be happy to be with someone else. It means that we have to be comfortable with ourselves first, before we have some relationship with other people. Well, couldn't agree more. 

I like being alone. I like drinking coffee alone, reading alone. I like riding bus alone, and walking home alone. 
It gives me time to think, and set my mind free. 
I like to eat alone, and listening to music alone. 
But when i see a mother with her child, a girl with her lover, or a friend laughing with his or her friend, i realize that eventhough i like being alone, i don't fancy being lonely. 

Perhaps that's why we always need other people to be with us. To complete us. 

Me? No need to ask that such question to me, because the answer is absolutely YES! haha. I really do. 

I even wonder why is it so hard for me to find that 'click' partner? Well, if i put aside of my move on process, actually i always try to find a new one. But i don't know, it seems hard. Maybe because move on itself, is the hardest thing to do. For me, especially. 

The overall things that happened in the past really damages me. Until now i even unable to trust people again. It's getting harder to trust or to let other people into my life. Even you can say that i keep away from that relationship thingy, although i realize that i need that, actually. 

I don't put aside my need in being involved with other people, of course, but for now it's kinda hard to begin again. Sometimes i still feel that i can't do that (looking for another opportunities out there) because i still have this 'connection' with these person (in my past). I don't know why. I even some times decline my friends' invitation to just hanging out with them, because i want to keep my heart and my mind just for him. If it happens when i still have this 'relationship', that's okay, normal. But when everything's already ended, shouldn't i have to start to think about my self? It's ok for me to go out with anyone i want, right? But i can't do that. My own self refuses to do that. But why?? 

I know that he already moved on, perhaps he already finds his new special one. Why is it so hard to me to restart again? 

I don't wanna live in my past, i know, but i don't know how to get rid of it. What am i suppossed to do to change all this? 
I may go or hang out with every guy i want, but i realize that i can't do that just for the sake of my 'move on attempts' to be successful. Furthermore i don't wanna trapped in the same hole. 

If oneday i finally find a guy that i like, or that likes me, i can go out with him, right? 
I don't need to feel guilty about that, do i?
It doesn't have to upset me.
The past is the past. What is lost is lost. 
Please, brain, use your logic! 

Alone-thingy

All by myself....
Don't wanna be all by myself.... 

Why i have to be 'all by myself?'
Or why not? 

Read it somewhere, that if you can't be happy with your own self, then you'll never be happy to be with someone else. It means that we have to be comfortable with ourselves first, before we have some relationship with other people. Well, couldn't agree more. 

I like being alone. I like drinking coffee alone, reading alone. I like riding bus alone, and walking home alone. 
It gives me time to think, and set my mind free. 
I like to eat alone, and listening to music alone. 
But when i see a mother with her child, a girl with her lover, or a friend laughing with his or her friend, i realize that eventhough i like being alone, i don't fancy being lonely. 

Perhaps that's why we always need other people to be with us. To complete us. 

Me? No need to ask that such question to me, because the answer is absolutely YES! haha. I really do. 

I even wonder why is it so hard for me to find that 'click' partner? Well, if i put aside of my move on process, actually i always try to find a new one. But i don't know, it seems hard. Maybe because move on itself, is the hardest thing to do. For me, especially. 

The overall things that happened in the past really damages me. Until now i even unable to trust people again. It's getting harder to trust or to let other people into my life. Even you can say that i keep away from that relationship thingy, although i realize that i need that, actually. 

I don't put aside my need in being involved with other people, of course, but for now it's kinda hard to begin again. Sometimes i still feel that i can't do that (looking for another opportunities out there) because i still have this 'connection' with these person (in my past). I don't know why. I even some times decline my friends' invitation to just hanging out with them, because i want to keep my heart and my mind just for him. If it happens when i still have this 'relationship', that's okay, normal. But when everything's already ended, shouldn't i have to start to think about my self? It's ok for me to go out with anyone i want, right? But i can't do that. My own self refuses to do that. But why?? 

I know that he already moved on, perhaps he already finds his new special one. Why is it so hard to me to restart again? 

I don't wanna live in my past, i know, but i don't know how to get rid of it. What am i suppossed to do to change all this? 
I may go or hang out with every guy i want, but i realize that i can't do that just for the sake of my 'move on attempts' to be successful. Furthermore i don't wanna trapped in the same hole. 

If oneday i finally find a guy that i like, or that likes me, i can go out with him, right? 
I don't need to feel guilty about that, do i?
It doesn't have to upset me.
The past is the past. What is lost is lost. 
Please, brain, use your logic! 

Before Midnight

So, Before Midnight is the last sequel of Before Sunrise and Before Sunset. Still telling about Jesse and Celine, but now the setting is around 2013, 18 years after they first met. 

Back to Before Sunset first. This movie ends in Celine's apartment, where she plays her guitar and sings a song to Jesse, a waltz song that all written about him. Then i was curious about what will happen next to them. Are they finally live together or what? 

Quite surprising, this last sequel begins with a story that they finally live together. They already have cute twin daughters. These happy little family is spending their summer holiday in Jesse's friend house. I ever tell you that Jesse has a son from his first marriage, right? So his son (i forget the name, as always) also spends his holiday there, but he has to left earlier and back to Chicago, to his mother, who is Jesse's first wife. Then the conflict begins. 

So generally, Before Midnight tells about conflict in their marriage. Jesse can't always meet his son because his son lives with his ex-wife in Chicago. So in that summer time, when they sent that little boy to the airport, Jesse begins to think that he never able to be a good father for his son. Because they live separately. So he comes up with the idea to move to Chicago (with all his family, of course) so he can look after his son. 

Moving to Chicage seems like a really big issue for Celine, for she has to give up her career and everything she already build in Paris. It's so hard for her, so she keep rejecting those idea. Celine also persuades Jesse that he doesn't need to always be near his son. Furthermore he lives with his loving and caring mother, etc etc. 

All the time in this movie contains their conversations and negotiations about whether they should move to Chicago or not. Even they have a quite big fight about it. But at last they can solve this problem in almost midnight. Therefore maybe this movie entitled Before Midnight, hehe

In my opinion, this sequel is not as good as the previous one, Before Sunset. The conflict that Before Midnight carries is not that shopisticated and complicated than Before Sunset haha. I don't know, eventhough i know that this kind of problem perhaps mostlikely happen to every second marriage. You know, about step son, step mother, ex wife, and so on. And i don't know why i don't really like that issue, so... Yeah, i just less like it. 

Compared to Before Sunset that has much stronger story, conflict, and also some great quotes that i quoted in previous post. Well, that was my personal judgement. But overall, this is a quite great sequel to watch, especially to learn some...emm..things that might also happen in our lives. Quite simple story line, actually, yet it touchy. 

Well, this teaches us that no matter how far you're separated with someone, no matter how long you never meet that person, if that person is meant to be with you, you two will meet again. How could you meet? It's life secret. And you know what? Life works randomly. 
And eventhough when you two meet, everything has changed, if you really want to make it work, you will go through everything to make it really work. You will do anything, at any costs. To be with the only person you love. 
But i'm wondering, is this only happen in a movie? 


Sunday, May 25, 2014

Please

Akhir-akhir ini lagi sering banget ngeluh sama kerjaan. Not that i'm ungrateful, no, but really, this job is killing me. I'm dying, literally. 

Awalnya aku mikir kalo yaa itulah risiko pekerjaan. Apalagi di finance, especially di divisi yang jam kerja nya gak jelas gini (i even work almost 16 hours a day. Sumpah ya, udah kayak kerja dua hari aja kan). Kalo cuma sekali-kali sih ga masalah, tapi kalo udah hampir sepanjang minggu, berarti ada yang salah kan? 

I may blame the job. I blame my supervisors. I blame anything. I even blame myself for stupidly want to moved to this part if company. Huh. 

What makes me really angry (and sad) is that i don't have time anymore. For myself. For my family, my parents. My friends. Firstly my job steals my peaceful nights, then my free days. My weekends. My holidays. Then at last it will steal my whole life. Or it does, already, perhaps. Crazy, right?

I can't imagine what it would be to have this tough job when i already build my own family. I really don't wanna see that. I don't want to see my family -my husband, children, parents- lack of my time. Well, this is still quite far to think, but i really think about that. I don't wanna sacrifice my time with my significant ones just for the sake of career. Eat that career! 

I realize that i have to move from this place as soon as possible. It's pointless to just blame anything, hate myself, but doing nothing to change it. I really really wanna change it, but unluckily for me, i still have a job contract in here. I suppose to be 'free' on July 2015, which still so long. Gosh, what should i do then?

People says i have to be more patient about that because it's my job, my responsibility. I'm patient enough, i think. But when it is already beyond my limit, what can i say? 
Do they need to see me dying and finally die, so they realize that they need to stop this all? Kill me now, then! 

I'm sorry if i eventually seem to be so ungrateful. I'm sorry, but i just can't stand this 'torture' any longer.

Please please please, help me.. 

Saturday, May 24, 2014

Befores

There is a sequel movie, consists of three, but have one single-continous story. They are Before Sunrise, Before Sunset, and Before Midnight. 

I don't remember the Director's name (bad at remembering names, haha) but i know the lead actor. It was Ethan Hawke. 

So this is the story. 
Begin with Before Sunrise. There is two young people, a man and a woman. The man, Jesse, is an American man who is in the middle of his journey to somewhere (sorry, can't remember it). Whereas the woman, Celine, is a French girl on her way to Paris. They meet on the train. 

Shortly, they bump to each other -as a stranger for each other- and have these long but kind of deep conversation. They talk about their lives, the books they read at that time, and also about their vision and ideas and how they see life. 

At first i feel like this movies is kinda boring because they just talk to each other while continuing their trip. The set is just in the train, you know, that is so boring for me haha. 

Well, back to the story. Jesse and Celine feel that they have special connection when they talk to each other, so they accidentally make a decision to stop at Vienna and walk around, together, instead of heading to their own directions. 

So at that evening they walk around Vienna, Italy, sightseeing. And still continuing their heavy talk. About their idealism. And so on. (I don't really listen what they say)

They keep talking on the street, in restaurant, on the edge of a river, on the bridge, in front of people's house, etc. Until finally they stop at a park, in almost midnight, with a stolen wine and glasses with them. They then get drunk and, you know, make love. (Fortunately they don't reveal the make love scene. Fiuh)

And then they wake up the next day, back to the train station. Celine has to back to Paris to catch her summer school there. Jesse just... I don't know, continuing his journey to anywhere he likes. So they separate, without exchange their phone numbers, emails, addresses, or whatever. But they make a promise to back to that same place, 6 months later, which if i'm not mistaken is in around December 1995. 
And then Celine left to Paris. Jesse go to the places they visit the previous day. Just to remember that day. And Celine. And that is their story, on before sunrise, before Celine leaves Jesse. 

The second sequel, Before Sunset.
This story happens 9 years later. Jesse and Celine never meet again since 1995. One day Jesse happen to be one of the young published author. He has this promotional agenda in one of the book store in Paris. While he explaining about his novel, he sees Celine in one of the crowed. So after his session finish, he bumps to Celine, eventhough he just has very short time to catch his flight back to New York. 

The two meet again, and....talk again. Gosh! Let me tell you, this sequel consist of the stories of Celine and Jesse only ob that day. The same day. Not even a day, perhaps only hours. Two or three hours. 

They exchange the stories about their recent lives. Seems awkward at first time, but things gets easier at last. Then Celine asks Jesse if he come to Vienna that December, 9 years ago. She also tell Jesse that she couldn't make it because her grandma is dead. So she has to go to her gandma's funeral. She also say that she already prepare everything to go and see Jesse, but Life has another plan. 

At first Jesse say that he also couldn't make it, which make Celine a little bit relieve. But then it turns out that Jesse was there, 6 months after they first met, waiting for Celine in the same place. But she never comes. They surely dissapointed why they never exchange phone numbers before. 

Then they walk around the city, looking for a cafe, then ride this tourist boat. And still talking. Celine knows that Jesse is married now, so she ask how is the feeling to be married. Jesse tell her the story behind his marriage, that he got married with this woman that he used to date,9 on and off, and when she accidentally pregnant, then they married. He also says that the only thing that makes him happy in his marriage life is seeing his little boy. He feels sorry for his wife, because eventhough she is a good mother, a good wife, he can never be happy with her. 

Celine says that she also has a boyfriend already, a happy life. Great couple. But what strange is that she always feels much comfortable when they are far from each other. 

That's a little piece of stories that i can remember, hehe. 

Jesse has to catch the flight, so he take Celine to her apartment. On their way, suddenly they have this little fight, about why can't they meet that December, about why are they have to be like this, they finally meet again but with a very different condition. About how they love each other, how they feel comfortable, how they have these connection from the first time they met, but they can't be together. 

Both of them seem to be sceptical about love, about life, about happiness. Because it turns out that both Jesse and Celine already give all their hopes on that day, on December 9 years ago. 

The story ends in Celine apartment, where Jesse comes here to see Celine plays her guitar and sings for him. Celine then plays her song, on a waltz, a song about Jesse. 

And oh i missed one thing. The novel that Jesse write for about 3 or 4 years is about Celine. About their trip in Vienna, about an American man who meets a French girl and have some sweet moments until finally they say goodby before sunrise the other day. 

I may not portrait it perfectly, but i think this movie is great. I mean, it can happen to anyone. And once more, timing is a b*tch! Haha. So many people have special connection, or chemistry, but they can never be with each other because of the bad timing, or something like that. 
What i love most about this Before Sunset is that, this movie tells us about how Jesse finally meet Celine again. How they have to settle some issues in just 2 or 3 hours. How they finally realize that they have a separate life path. And how they deal with it. 

Perhaps the third sequel, Before Midnight, will tell us the more about them. I will watch it soon, but i can't wait to see their final fate. 

There are also some great quotes in this movie. I like it because it seems so real and same with me haha. So check them out! 

"I feel like I was never able to forget anyone I've been with. Because each person had their own specific qualities. You can never replace anyone. What is lost is lost."

"I see in people in every little details, so specific to each of them that move me and that I miss and always miss. You can never replace anyone because everyone is made of such beautiful, specific details. I remembered that, and missed it. Really crazy, right?"

"Each relationship, when it ends, really damages me. I never fully recover. That's why I'm very careful with getting involved because it hurts too much." 

"The past is the past. It was meant to be that way."

- Celine - 

Sunday, May 18, 2014

Scared

Today i feel scared. I'm scared that i can't live this life well. I'm scared i can't give my best to the people i love. I'm even scared to think about my future. Will i have a bright one? Like what i'm always dreaming of? Or is it gonna be another hell? Well, nobody really knows.

I'm just trying to be a better person day by day. Eventhough i'm still very far for being perfect, i know. I may not have a great life (yet). Probably i still have to struggle for my success. I may don't have everything that i really want, but hey, you can't always get what you want, no?

One of the things that makes me scared is the reality that -maybe- this is the time where i have to find my significant one. To find a partner. Well, it sounds cheesy but that's reality. I don't want to overthink it, really, but what you will do when almost all of your friends got enganged or even got married, and you're just like.. Single?

I'm not saying that being a single is such a curse, no. But there will come a day when you feel that you really need that partner, a person that will complete your life. Until now i don't know what the best criteria is, or what kind of person that we should have in our lives. I don't know. 

One thing i know is that person, the one who is really meant for me, will come oneday. He's on his way, and he will greet me, he will stand and sit beside me, soon. I always believe that. I always believe that everyone has their own soulmate. I believe that everything created in pairs, so why worry? Yes, why should i be worry? 

What i am worrying is that, will i able to be a good partner? To be a good wife? A good mother? Will every single thing in my imagination about my future life become reality? I do hope so.

Eventhough i'm not typical of a very good woman. For those who don't know me mighy be misinterpret me. Or if you look into my social media accounts, you will see that i'm not kind of woman that calm, shy, or any other 'angel' traits. I'm just me. I like any kinds of music, from classic to rock. I like watching movies. I like doing karaoke and sing along. I like watching sports. I like playing music although i'm not so well on it. I like hanging out with a bunch of friends. I like reading so many kinds of books. I like watching drama and TV series and got so excited and even crazy about it (HIMYM, especially). And so on.

Perhaps people thinks that i am so out of control. I am sooo what is it? Hedon? I don't know. I just like doing anything i like. Yet people will always judge, no matter what. So it's up to them if they judge me like that, i don't care. 
And i also feel some jealousy here. I don't know, there are some people that really want to compete me. I'm not really into a competition, so please, if you have such jealousy, just take it. Take all that i have. I just want to live normally and peacefully. 

Now i realize that there is no safest place on earth. On this life. Everything's got crazier, and scarier. Then i realize that one thing to face it is by having a good company. Having a good life partner. The one who you need and need you. The one who you love and love you as much as you do. Again, back to that vicious cycle of what we call love. 

Now i just lay my hope in Allah SWT. For only Allah that knows what is, and who is the best for me. I don't wanna force something to happen, anymore. I'm done with it. I'm done with all my hopes and fantasies about people i love. I'm done with that timing thingy. 

I may have some sad stories behind. I may have some bad breakups. But that's my past. I don't want to live there anymore. 
I may broken now, still broken, sad, but i will get over it. 
And i believe that i will fall in love again, oneday. And i want it to be my last journey to find my life partner. Amin. 

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Gone, gone, gone

You know what? I miss you. A lot.
I miss our small talks. Every lines that made us laugh.
Every nameless moment. Every story we shared each other. Every little fight.

I miss you.

I don't know what happen to you right now. I do hope you live well, with all your choices.
So many times i want to check how your condition is, but i think you don't need that.
Because probably you will be happier with somebody else. With your wonderful ex. Or you are now, maybe?

Read it somewhere:
"There's no point in holding onto someone that has already let you go."

Yes? No?

But I love you long after you're gone.
And long after you're gone, gone, gone.

P.S. let me cry once more tonight. And you don't need to know what you've done to me.
Thankyouverymuch.