I'm just trying to be a better person day by day. Eventhough i'm still very far for being perfect, i know. I may not have a great life (yet). Probably i still have to struggle for my success. I may don't have everything that i really want, but hey, you can't always get what you want, no?
One of the things that makes me scared is the reality that -maybe- this is the time where i have to find my significant one. To find a partner. Well, it sounds cheesy but that's reality. I don't want to overthink it, really, but what you will do when almost all of your friends got enganged or even got married, and you're just like.. Single?
I'm not saying that being a single is such a curse, no. But there will come a day when you feel that you really need that partner, a person that will complete your life. Until now i don't know what the best criteria is, or what kind of person that we should have in our lives. I don't know.
One thing i know is that person, the one who is really meant for me, will come oneday. He's on his way, and he will greet me, he will stand and sit beside me, soon. I always believe that. I always believe that everyone has their own soulmate. I believe that everything created in pairs, so why worry? Yes, why should i be worry?
What i am worrying is that, will i able to be a good partner? To be a good wife? A good mother? Will every single thing in my imagination about my future life become reality? I do hope so.
Eventhough i'm not typical of a very good woman. For those who don't know me mighy be misinterpret me. Or if you look into my social media accounts, you will see that i'm not kind of woman that calm, shy, or any other 'angel' traits. I'm just me. I like any kinds of music, from classic to rock. I like watching movies. I like doing karaoke and sing along. I like watching sports. I like playing music although i'm not so well on it. I like hanging out with a bunch of friends. I like reading so many kinds of books. I like watching drama and TV series and got so excited and even crazy about it (HIMYM, especially). And so on.
Perhaps people thinks that i am so out of control. I am sooo what is it? Hedon? I don't know. I just like doing anything i like. Yet people will always judge, no matter what. So it's up to them if they judge me like that, i don't care.
And i also feel some jealousy here. I don't know, there are some people that really want to compete me. I'm not really into a competition, so please, if you have such jealousy, just take it. Take all that i have. I just want to live normally and peacefully.
Now i realize that there is no safest place on earth. On this life. Everything's got crazier, and scarier. Then i realize that one thing to face it is by having a good company. Having a good life partner. The one who you need and need you. The one who you love and love you as much as you do. Again, back to that vicious cycle of what we call love.
Now i just lay my hope in Allah SWT. For only Allah that knows what is, and who is the best for me. I don't wanna force something to happen, anymore. I'm done with it. I'm done with all my hopes and fantasies about people i love. I'm done with that timing thingy.
I may have some sad stories behind. I may have some bad breakups. But that's my past. I don't want to live there anymore.
I may broken now, still broken, sad, but i will get over it.
And i believe that i will fall in love again, oneday. And i want it to be my last journey to find my life partner. Amin.
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