Awalnya aku mikir kalo yaa itulah risiko pekerjaan. Apalagi di finance, especially di divisi yang jam kerja nya gak jelas gini (i even work almost 16 hours a day. Sumpah ya, udah kayak kerja dua hari aja kan). Kalo cuma sekali-kali sih ga masalah, tapi kalo udah hampir sepanjang minggu, berarti ada yang salah kan?
I may blame the job. I blame my supervisors. I blame anything. I even blame myself for stupidly want to moved to this part if company. Huh.
What makes me really angry (and sad) is that i don't have time anymore. For myself. For my family, my parents. My friends. Firstly my job steals my peaceful nights, then my free days. My weekends. My holidays. Then at last it will steal my whole life. Or it does, already, perhaps. Crazy, right?
I can't imagine what it would be to have this tough job when i already build my own family. I really don't wanna see that. I don't want to see my family -my husband, children, parents- lack of my time. Well, this is still quite far to think, but i really think about that. I don't wanna sacrifice my time with my significant ones just for the sake of career. Eat that career!
I realize that i have to move from this place as soon as possible. It's pointless to just blame anything, hate myself, but doing nothing to change it. I really really wanna change it, but unluckily for me, i still have a job contract in here. I suppose to be 'free' on July 2015, which still so long. Gosh, what should i do then?
People says i have to be more patient about that because it's my job, my responsibility. I'm patient enough, i think. But when it is already beyond my limit, what can i say?
Do they need to see me dying and finally die, so they realize that they need to stop this all? Kill me now, then!
I'm sorry if i eventually seem to be so ungrateful. I'm sorry, but i just can't stand this 'torture' any longer.
Please please please, help me..
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