Alone-thingy

All by myself....

Don't wanna be all by myself.... 

Why i have to be 'all by myself?'

Or why not? 

Read it somewhere, that if you can't be happy with your own self, then you'll never be happy to be with someone else. It means that we have to be comfortable with ourselves first, before we have some relationship with other people. Well, couldn't agree more. 

I like being alone. I like drinking coffee alone, reading alone. I like riding bus alone, and walking home alone. 

It gives me time to think, and set my mind free. 

I like to eat alone, and listening to music alone. 

But when i see a mother with her child, a girl with her lover, or a friend laughing with his or her friend, i realize that eventhough i like being alone, i don't fancy being lonely. 

Perhaps that's why we always need other people to be with us. To complete us. 

Me? No need to ask that such question to me, because the answer is absolutely YES! haha. I really do. 

I even wonder why is it so hard for me to find that 'click' partner? Well, if i put aside of my move on process, actually i always try to find a new one. But i don't know, it seems hard. Maybe because move on itself, is the hardest thing to do. For me, especially. 

The overall things that happened in the past really damages me. Until now i even unable to trust people again. It's getting harder to trust or to let other people into my life. Even you can say that i keep away from that relationship thingy, although i realize that i need that, actually. 

I don't put aside my need in being involved with other people, of course, but for now it's kinda hard to begin again. Sometimes i still feel that i can't do that (looking for another opportunities out there) because i still have this 'connection' with these person (in my past). I don't know why. I even some times decline my friends' invitation to just hanging out with them, because i want to keep my heart and my mind just for him. If it happens when i still have this 'relationship', that's okay, normal. But when everything's already ended, shouldn't i have to start to think about my self? It's ok for me to go out with anyone i want, right? But i can't do that. My own self refuses to do that. But why?? 

I know that he already moved on, perhaps he already finds his new special one. Why is it so hard to me to restart again? 

I don't wanna live in my past, i know, but i don't know how to get rid of it. What am i suppossed to do to change all this? 

I may go or hang out with every guy i want, but i realize that i can't do that just for the sake of my 'move on attempts' to be successful. Furthermore i don't wanna trapped in the same hole. 

If oneday i finally find a guy that i like, or that likes me, i can go out with him, right? 

I don't need to feel guilty about that, do i?

It doesn't have to upset me.

The past is the past. What is lost is lost. 

Please, brain, use your logic!