friend-ology

Do you ever have a friend that doesn't really your friend?
If i use that term, perhaps most of people think about a backstabber friend, or frenemy, or things like that. But i have one friend, not a close one, actually, who i think is not my friend.

I know this person since we received the same scholarship in university. Firstly we studied in different faculty. He was in FE while i were in FMIPA. so we never talked to each other. I just knew his name, and his reputation over there hehe. He had a great reputation, anyway.

Then one day i decided to switch my major of study, and tried hard to get approval from scholarship committee about that. Once i met that guy, and he said:
He: 'Are you sure they will let you switch your major?'
Me: 'i really hope so. I've been accepted here through entrance test, so now is only the matter of that approval'
He: 'i'm not really sure about that. Ah palingan juga ga boleh pindah.'
And he left.

After he left, i just thought like 'whoa, just wait. I will show you that i can move here!'

At that time i was so emotionally challenged. I really wanted to show him that i will successfully move and stay here. So when finally i got the approval and studied there, i met him at the yard. And i just smiled at him. He looked surprised, and said 'whoa finally you move here'
I was just smiling. You know, a winning-smile. Ahahahaha.

But after that, our relationship as friend never get any better. I mean like, i think after we studied in the same faculty, furthermore he became my senior, we could be more open to each other. We could discuss something, talk about something, or any other little things that friend usually do. But with him? Nothing.

We even attent at the same class, once. Stategic management class. But we seemed like not knowing each other. I always tried to smile at him first, but he never did the same. So... do whatever you like lah.

When we had our final assignment, my group presented about the merger process of lippo bank and bank niaga, which was our 'big issue' (for me and him, as one of the scholars). Firstly i thought that this topic would be interesting for him so he would pay full attention on my group's presentation. But you know what? He didn't see my group presented our topic. He even went outside the class and  back after my group finished our presentation.

Ok perhaps that was not a big deal for him. For me as well. Maybe he already knew the process, even far far better than me, so it was unnecessary for him to pay attention to my group.
Or maybe he simply didn't want to look at my group. Me. It could be, right?

Second fact. As shcolars, we tried to give our little contribution to the society through CSR program, namely by supporting the SME companies with what we can, like accounting skill, or marketing, IT, etc. And i was in the same group with him.

One day we visited the site together. At first i was so pessimistic that he will come due to his busy life. Ehem. He already join TCB at that time. Great,right? Then suddenly he showed up. Me and my group members involved in some conversations. He came along, talked about this and that. Then most of my group members went into the owner's house, left me with this guy all alone. I tried to launch a topic, i asked about his program blah blah blah. But his respond was soo annoying. It seemed like he didn't want to talk with me. He got busy with his smartphone, had no eye contact with me. Simply uncomfortable, i think. Didn't know why. So before everything got worse, i decided to leave him.
Was there any thing wrong with me? Like he met the most annoying people on earth.

Again. I'm the kind of people who has a very high level of curiousity. So i tested him again to know whether his flat respond to me is only in temporary mode or what. So when we attent annual gathering i tried to talk to him. Still, his response was sooo flat. But when it came to talk with our other friends, he looked attracted.
God, what happen with me? Am i so scary? Am i so annoying? Unattractive? Boring? Disgusting?
You know what? That really haunt my mind.

More fact. I once met him in front of the office after having my OJT session. I met him on the road, and i greeted him. He just smiled nerveously (or idk, strange face expression). And then he left.

See? I have asked my other friends about his treatment to them. And they seem fine. They can easily communicating, talking about anything. But with me? Flat.

It really hunts my mind because i can't live with any one have a problem with me. Sounds silly, because ofcourse we can't force all people to like us. But i'm just wondering why he does that to me.

Simple little things as friend, like i follow his twitter but he doesn't follow me back. Ok fine. I usually RT-ed his tweets (because that was a good one) and he still doesn't realize that i exist.

I requested him to be my friend on path, but until now he doesn't approve it. Simple things but really show me that he never want to make friend with me.

But honestly, i really want to be his friend. Bukannya memuja dan sampai mengemis buat jadi temen dia loh ya, cuma rasanya pengen aja jadi temen dia. Bisa diskusi bareng. Apalagi dia kan pinter banget ya. Heuum pengetahuannya juga pasti udah buanyak banget.

Awalnya aku mikir kalo dia jadi cuek kayak gitu karena ngerasa malu atau terkalahkan (gara gara akhirnya aku bisa buktiin kalo aku bisa pindah ke FE hahaha. Pikiran jahat). But at the end of the day, ya gak mungkin juga lah aku ngalahin dia. Nandingin dia. Siapa gitu loh yang gak tau reputasi seorang *****. Yang pinter, keren, udah sampe ke Harvard, jadi the best TCBian pulak. Ya gak mungkin lah aku bisa nandingin. Yang ada malah pengen belajar banyak dari dia.
Tapi kalo dianya aja udah menutup akses untuk itu, apa boleh buat ya.
Padahal aku sampe sekarang juga masih ga ngerti kenapa dia sampe segitu cueknya sama aku.
Anyone know? Please tell me.

Some people will never understand no matter how much we care to them.

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