Sunday, October 6, 2013

job satisfaction

Job satisfaction. That was my thesis topic. I wrote and did a research about it. And never crossed in my mind that i will feel the un-satisfaction during my working experience.

Well, bukan berarti aku ga puas sama sekali sama kerjaan sekarang. Fyi, dimensi yang mempengaruhi kepuasan kerja itu cukup banyak. Ada faktor materil kayak gaji, benefit, bonus dan lain lain, yang sepertinya dianggap sebagai satu hal yang paling mempengaruhi tingkat kepuasan kerja.
Tapi sebenernya gak cuma itu aja. Masih ada faktor lainnya yang gak kalah penting, yaitu sifat pekerjaan itu sendiri (apakah challenging atau tidak); hubungan dengan supervisor, subordinat, atau rekan kerja lainnya; apresiasi atau appraisal atas hasil kinerja kita, recognition, dan lain sebagainya.

Dan kalau menurut aku, yang terpenting justru kepuasan yang berasal dari faktor non material. Oke gak munafik kalau faktor material pasti juga menjadi pertimbangan (banget malah, sometimes). Tapi sebagai orang yang baru masuk kerja kayak aku gini, which is belum punya apa apalah yang bisa 'dijual' buat nego gaji yang lebih tinggi misalnya, yang paling penting adalah apakah ada peluang bagi aku buat bisa terus berkembang.

Call me idealist, terserah. Aku emang idealis sih dari dulu. Jadi sekarang mikirnya bukan 'what my company can give to me' tapi 'what i can learn from my company'. Fokusnya sekarang gak cuma kerja, tapi lebih ke belajar dan belajar terus. Kan masih gelas yang setengah kosong ceritanya. Jadi masih harus diisi. Itu baru bikin puas. Tapi setelah belajar juga harus kerja dan dipraktekkan, kan? Dan kesempatan untuk terus tumbuh berkembang demi mempraktekkan ilmu yang selama ini udah didapat adalah hal yang paling critical dalam menentukan tingkat job satisfaction aku saat ini.

Sudah cukup prolog nya. Sekarang baru masuk ke inti yang mau diceritain, hihi

Jadi selama ini aku masih belum nemuin itu yang namanya job satisfaction. Belum 100%. Itu artinya aku masih harus cari cara lain kan biar bisa dapet 100%. Ini bukan masalah materi loh ya (aku udah pasrah dan bersyukur aja deh walopun gajinya mungkin kalah jauh sama temen2 di perusahaan lain huhu). Well, kita telaah satu persatu.

Sifat pekerjaan. Sifatnya sih agak agak rutin gt, lumayan banyak teknis nya. Tapi ada juga sisi analisisnya. Lumayan berkaitan banget sama banyak hal dan banyak unit organisasi, jadi masih banyak banget hal yang bisa digali dan dipelajari lebih lanjut. Yah walopun sering lembur juga sih, tapi kan itu udah konsekuensi ya.
Walaupun dari awal aku gak pernah milih dan terpikir buat ditempatin di sini, lama lama udah bisa dengan besar hati menerima. Dan ternyata lumayan challenging juga. Karena berkaitan sama banyak hal itu.
Nah tapi sampe sekarang aku masih belum bisa belajar semuanya. Mungkin kesannya maruk banget ya pengen tau segala hal haha. But Steve Jobs said 'stay hungry stay foolish' kan? Jadi gapapa dong hehe.
I wish i could have more exposure with those other units, so i can learn more supaya aku juga gak bosen karena stuck di satu sisi. Aku orangnya bosenan. My bad.

Hubungan dengan supervisor dan rekan kerja.
Di divisi aku sih orang nya asik asik semua ya. Lumayan muda muda dan berjiwa muda hehe. Even division head ku juga baeeeeek banget orangnya. Bijak banget. Jadi udah nyaman aja. Cumaa atasan atasannya lagi yang rada rada gak seru dan terkesan subjektif. Kata orang orang sih gt. Tapi aku juga udah ngerasain. Jadi yaaa itu doang yang bikin gak nyaman jadinya. Tapi yaudahlah ya, toh aku juga gak butuh tiap saat berhubungan ma dia ini, jadi ngapain diambil pusing. Selama tindakan dia gak merugikan aku ya monggo aja.

Satu hal yang bikin aku kurang puas selama di sini. Entah karena aku sendiri, atau memang ada yang salah sama sistem yang ada di sini.
Jadi ceritanya direct supervisor ku itu orangnya teliti banget. Pinter banget. Multitasker banget. Kerjanya cepet banget. Baik juga, banyak ngajarin.

But when it comes to job thingy, entah kenapa dia jadi susah banget percaya sama orang. Oke as a supervisor pasti semua kerjaan anak buahnya harus melewati pemeriksaan dia dulu kan. Dan memeriksa di sini dilakukan dengan mengerjakan pekerjaan itu juga. Jadi dia juga ngerjain dari awal. Kalo ada yang beda, dia kasih tau sih ke anak buahnya. Diajarin juga gimana memperbaikinya. Tapi seringnya yang dipakai adalah hasil pekerjaan dia. Hampir selalu.

Kayak tadi. Sama kemaren. Sama kemarennya lagi. Aku kan emang masih kurang berpengalaman, baik dalam kecepatan maupun ketepatan. Jadi kalo ngerjain apa apa pasti masih kalah cepet sama dia. Masih ada yang salah juga dikit dikit. But i really tried to improve my work quality. Really. Tiap ada waktu luang aku selalu ngulang lagi bikin report ini itu, bikin buku panduan sendiri, jadi nanti bulan depan udah bisa lebih lancar dan cepet ngerjainnya.

Tapi secepat apapun aku berusaha, tetep aja gak bisa menandingi kecepatan beliau dalam bekerja. Ya iyalah, aku yang baru 2 bulan dibandingin sama yang udah puluhan tahun ngerjain itu. Pasti kalah jauh.
Jadi tadi (lagi lagi) pekerjaan dia yang dipake. Yang dilaporkan. Awalnya agak gondok juga sih waktu aku masih berkutat dengan excel, tiba tiba dia email cc ke aku ngirim hasil kerjaannya dia. Trus ini kerjaan aku mau diapain dong kalo ujung ujung nya punya dia juga yg dipake?

Antara gondok dan sedih sebenernya. Karena aku tau itu job desc aku. Harusnya aku yang handle 100%. Tapi mungkin berhubung akunya masih lelet dan salah terus ini dia jadi belum percaya sama aku. Jadi mungkin yang harus dilakukan adalah membuat dia percaya sama aku, sama kemampuan aku. Tp sebelum itu berarti aku harus bener bener bisa perform dulu. Kerja tepat dan cepat. Oh, it's really a wild world, baby.

Aku nyengir aja pas tadi dia tanya 'jadi udah sampai mana ay?' Setelah dia kirim email itu. Aku jawab sekitar 85%. Karena emang setelah aku cek antara hasil kerjaan aku sama dia, kebanyakan udah sama kok. Tinggal beda beda dikit karena aku emang ketinggalan waktu adjust sana sini. Dan yah, masalah speed juga.

Tapi yaudah lah jangan ngeluh terus. Udah mending ada improvement sampai 85% gitu. Mudah mudahan bulan depan udah bisa ngerjain full dan bener bener dikirim hehe

Gak apa apa sih kalo kerjaan ku gak kepake saat ini, yang penting aku masih dikasih kesempatan buat nunjukin kalo aku mampu, one day. Cuma harus lebih sabar waktu belajar. Harus banyak practice. Practice makes perfect. Jangan capek capek buat mantengin layar komputer huhuhu

Try me.
Biar aku gak bosen lama lama di-begini-in.

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Saturday, October 5, 2013

lazy saturday

So here i am. Lying on the floor taking a nap haha.
Padahal dari kemaren udah kuatir aja kalo disuruh lembur. Well, udah siap sih kalopun emang harus lembur. Tapi karena tak kunjung dipanggil ke kantor juga (my boss said that she will inform me if the data is ready to be processed) yaudah lanjutin bersantai. Dan lama lama udah keenakan bersantai jadinya males aja kalo tiba tiba dapet such 'working call' haha. Berharapnya besok aja baru start lembur. My wish.

Apa aja kegiatan wiken aku selama ini?
Hem. Kadang suka maen ke jakarta to meet up with my friends, shopping, or just having fun with friends (yang orangnya itu-itu aja hahaha). Sometimes it is so hard to try to add some other new persons in your social circle just because we have been too comfortable with the existing ones hihi.
Tapi aku nyadar juga sih kalo kita harus selalu bisa memperlebar social circle. Networking, they say. Banyak teman banyak rejeki juga kan katanya.

Ya tapi gimana atuh lah kalo emang bisanya cuma ketemu sama orang yang itu-itu saja. Suka bosen sih emang, tapi so far ya ga ada masalah yang berarti. Mau cari temen baru juga ga segampang dibilang. Harus cocok etcetera etcetera.
Tapi basically aku tipe orang yg seneng banget punya temen banyak. I remember when i tried to know some people in TCB, people who are my seniors' friends. Not only get to know them in personal, but also try to keep contact with them. I always remember what my father said about how important networking is, and now i can see the result. Rasanya seneng aja gitu tiap ke mana adaaa aja yang kenal. Ehem. Ini maksudnya 'ke mana aja yg masih di satu perusahaan' ya hehe. Eh tapi aku even masih suka berhubungan sama orang di ULI dulu kok.

I believe that one day i will need those people, i will use this nerworking. So, jaga terus jangan sampe putus :)

Trus ini kenapa jadi bahas masalah networking? Haha. A friend of mine once said 'lo kan punya tuh banyak temen di mana mana. Emang ga ada gitu yang bisa digaet?'
See? There is a new 'advantage' of having a good network.
Tapi jawabannya? It's not that easy, missy!

Kalo bertemen ya harus fokus aja bertemen. Bekerja sama. Saling dukung. Yang namanya suka or ngefans sih mungkin juga ada ya, tapi gak dengan semata mata siapapun yang ada di network kita trus diprospek. Gila itu mah.
Topik ini pernah jadi pembahasan yang sangat debatable sama temen aku. Sebenernya dia kayak gitu karena dia geregetan aja gitu katanya. Geregetan karena temannya ini tak kunjung juga punya pacar. Oh well.

Trus akhirnya aku jelasin deh tuh proses gimana akhirnya aku bisa suka sama orang. Agak 'apa-apaan sih kok pake ada prosesnya segala' gitu kali ya dia mikirnya.
In short, when i like someone, (or love, in some cases) there must be something in him that i adore. Harus ada satu hal yang bisa bikin aku 'terpukau'. Anything. Yang kalo ditanya 'contohnya apa?', ya ga bisa dijawab. It comes with such an abstract thingy. Pasti adaaa aja hal yang langsung seketika itu juga bikin aku suka sama dia. And i'm one of the "love at the first sight" believer, anyway. Bukan fisik, bukan kepribadian (ya mana mungkin bisa tau kepribadian dia secepat itu), atau apapun. But something like 'chemistry', yang gatau juga bentuknya kayak apa. You got to find and feel it yourself to believe in it :)

So kalo selama ini banyak banget orang yang berusaha buat ngejodohin aku sama si ini, si itu, si anu, well, thankyouverymuch. But i just can do nothing kalo ternyata gak ada sesuatu pun yang ada di diri mereka yang bisa bikin aku 'terpukau' sampe akhirnya suka sama mereka. I'm really sorry.
Bukannya sok jual mahal dan pemilih ya. No. Ini masalah sreg dan gak sreg nya. Itu aja sih.

Well, semoga segera menemukan seseorang yang bisa saling sreg satu sama lain. Dari dalem network ini juga gapapa kok, network nya bagus ini :D

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Thursday, September 26, 2013

mozaic

So. After a looong time, finally i have the strength to say this. Emm to tell this.
One of my biggest secrets that i keep for myself only since years ago. But now i think is the right time (hopefully), to reveal it.

Some years ago, when i was still in college i worked as an intern in one of the biggest FMCG company in Indonesia. Then i met this guy. And fall in love right afterwards.

He looked smart, at the very first time i saw him. And..  mature. I don't know, it perhaps reflected by the way he talked, responded, all of his gestures.

We worked on the same department, in the same floor, but handled different project. Sometimes we discussed everything related to our job, shared about each other's project and experiences. And for me that was quite delightful, because i love discussing something, or even everything. I got so many insights, inputs, and other positive things from him. I really don't know how was his opinion about me, or how he felt when we discussed. Was there any positive impacts from me or not haha. But one thing for sure, i learnt so mant things from him. Even until now. Seriously.

In short, i also shared many stories, including the story when i failed on one of the test for a training program. At that time i was so depressed, and he could encourage me to stay strong, to always look at the positive side, and remind me that there are still so many ways and opportunities out there.

That thing, made me even love him more. I admit it, i admit that he could steal my heart. (Sorry for the cheesy words hehe). But at that time i knew that i couldn't do anything. I just admired him in silence. I didn't know him much, and neither did he. So i wasn't sure about what he would think if he knew my feeling. Further more, we were in our 'struggling phase' of our lives, so i was pretty sure that he wouldn't take this thing seriously (if he already knew it). So i remained keep silent.

Finally i had to quit from that internship program because i accepted in one of the finance training program. I wasn't sure to apply on that program at first, but again, he was one of the person who encourage me to take that chance. I had to leave sooner than him. And we were separated, but sometimes we had a little chit chat to just exchange our recent life stories.

So i left, leaving my love for the unspecified period of time. I tought i will never see him again.

But then came a point in life that connected us once again. He told me that he was so confused about his future, where should he apply. So i suggested him to apply on one of training program in my company. Finally he applied, and also in many companies.

During his recruitment process, we shared about things related to it. As the one who has ever taken those tests (but failed anyway), i could give him many hints to face that test hehe. At last, he succeed! He passed! I was soooo happy. He passed because i knew that HE CAN. I was so sure about that, eventhough i was also surprised. Then the "dots" connected again.

I saw him around again, because we studied in the same building. It was more than enough for me to see him succeed. But i was still not sure about his feeling to me so i just kept silent. We were also busy with our training process, so i didn't want to break his focus to the program. And mine, too.

But you know what, a sacred feeling called love, once it was there, will always be there. In my journey, i might have fallen for another guy, admired another, and so on. Yet in some points in life, that feeling will arise again. And that's what i feel right now.

Eventough we don't communicate intensely, but i'm always happy when we keep contact. Because with him, we can discuss everyyyyting. I think. And that's the most important thing. I'm falling for him over and over again. But i don't know how's his feeling to me. Perhaps he just considers me as his friends :(

In my 'galau' period, i tried to know whether he already has a gf or not. Because if he has, that means i have to let go of my feeling or just save it for myself. So i asked my friend about it, a friend who is also in the same program with him. My friend told me that he already has a gf, and they've been dating since a month ago. I tried to guess who is that lucky girl, and yeah, i guessed it correctly. I admit that they are so close, and they must have shared so many things and have so many things in common. So yeah, they fall in love each other. My frankly guess.

I realize that i should be happy for them. Moreover, i also know that girl. She's kind. I think they will be such a perfect match for each other. Don't know whether i have to be sad or happy about it.

But i cried and cried for days. I didn't cry because they eventually dating. No. That's genuinely their rights. I can't do nothing about it. What made me cry is the fact that everything's too late. The window is now closed. The princess eventually comes, but the timing was wrong. So i just cried for my fate. Where have i been a month or two months ago? If only i have a little gut to express my real feeling, perhaps things would go in reverse. But that's life. Unpredictable swing.

A friend of mine once said, that if we love someone, just tell him. Despite of whether he already has gf or not, whether he has the same feeling or not, whether he will respond to our feeling or not. The important thing is that he knows. And our feeling will not be just a feeling.
Well, quite makes sense. But i'm afraid my confession will ruin everything.

Look, they have dated for a month, or two, approximately. Somehow this is the time when they are madly in love for each other. And i don't wanna be an antagonist who suddenly come with this great issue, then ruin their peaceful relationship. Maybe it won't be that dramatical, but hey, anything could happen, right?

And i also know that girl. It's impossible for me to break her heart if she knows the truth. She's kind to me, so i won't hurt her by taking her lover. I won't be an antagonist :(

Furthermore, i have been there, in the condition that full of tough choices. Quite same story, actually. When i dated a guy and then came another guy that confessed his feeling to me. I was so confuse and didn't know which one to choose, whether i keep my previous relationship or give that one person a try. This quite depressing because i also admired that another person for so long time ago before i met my current bf. Well, complicated at its finest.
But the point is, that was the most horrible condition when we're forced to decide or choose something.

I'm not saying that he will consider my feeling (if he already know) as serious as that, but i'm quite sure that he will think about it. And also other thing that i'm afraid of, namely if he changes after he knew my feeling, everything will never be the same, never-ending awkwardness, etc. I don't wanna that things happen.

For now, the most important thing is not to disturb his focus on training. I know it's so tough for him, but i do hope that he will survive and succeed.
His future is more important than anything else. Just keep aside my feeling. This (maybe) silly feeling that i keep since 2 years ago.

I have always loved anyone with all my heart and soul. And that's been more than enough for me.
One thing for sure, what is mine will eventually be mine.

I just can pray the best for you, A. :)

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Sunday, September 8, 2013

butterfly struck

Please don't be in love wih someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you~

You know what, when you're fallin in love, you're glowing. You will have such a beautiful sparkle. And everything's just feel great.

When you admire someone, you will always miss that person. You will smile or laugh at everything that reminds you of him/her. And you will always want to meet him. Even just seeing him around you makes your day seems so delightful.

But the fact is that it's only you that admire the person, thing that we called as a (maybe for now is just) one-sided love.
As a women, i can't do anything morr than that. More than admiring him secretly and wishing him a very best life. I'm afraid that if he knows my feeling we will never be the same.

So i won't do the same mistake again, and i will never tell hin first that i like him if i don't know for sure how his feeling to me.
I love him, i admire him, and i will just let the universe and Allah SWT to decide what's best for us.
I just can send all my prayers to him, so he will reach anything he wants to. And i will always be therr anytime he needs friend, anytime he needs my help. I will always be there.
For me, that've been more than enough.

And finally, i hope that he feels the same way too.

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Tuesday, September 3, 2013

imagine

Imagine.
Imagination at work. Actually that is the tagline of my dream company, General Electric. But i'm try to implement it in my life haha

Well, talk about imagination at worl. Now i'm working. Err, i mean now i'm at office. Staring to my PC monitor and wait for some data to make another report. Kinda boring, you know, waiting for something. So i decided to make some imagination.

To be honest, i'm kind of person who like to imagine something. Perhaps because i'm so visual, so i try to make a big picture of anything in my mind, as detailed as i can. Or want.

So now i'm imagining about one thing that keep haunting my dreams. About something we call 'soulmate'.
Nowadays, i've heard some news about my friend who will marry her/hid soulmate. Even my two nieces will marry this year. That makes me thinking like 'when will be my turn?'
Haha. Am i that silly or what?

I realize that now i kinda want it too. You know, have a bf, a soulmate that will be my future husband. And now i'm wondering who he will be. Is he someoen i've known for so long time? Or is he a whole new person for me?

I'm still waiting

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